When Friendships End

"God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." —Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NLT)

Throughout our lives, friendships will come and go. Sometimes it's easy to say goodbye to people, and other times, the end of a friendship can be devastatingly painful. This can be a particularly tough situation if the other person is responding aggressively or otherwise negatively to the situation.

The Empty Spaces

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." —Psalm 34:18

With some friendships, it's important to acknowledge that nobody will ever "fill the gap" left by the lost friend. Each individual we come to know and love carves out their own place in our hearts and plays certain roles in our lives. When we lose those relationships—because of death, sin, or distance—that hole is never really filled again—at least not in the same way.

It's OK to acknowledge the reality of that empty space as well as the hurt it causes. Trying to convince yourself that someone else can fit into the exact same space as the one you lost is not helpful for your heart or mental health.

Eternal Friendships

"Look, God's home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." —Revelation 21:3-4 (NLT)

Relationships between two believers never really end in an eternal sense. They're only put on hold. If both you and your friend are saved, then that relationship will be restored, one day in Heaven. One of the greatest blessings of salvation is knowing that we have the chance to see our friends and family again—without all the sins and death that split us apart (Revelation 21:3-4).

Of course, here and now, while we're in the midst of suffering, knowing that we'll meet friends again in Heaven doesn't take all the pain away, but it does help us look ahead.

Filling New Spaces

"There are 'friends' who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother." —Proverbs 18:24 (NLT)

Take comfort in knowing that, in the absence of a lost friendship, there may be someone else to take up a new spot in your life. They won't take the exact same place in your heart as your prior friendship, but they can take the same kind of place. There are other people, other bonds, and other relationships to be had in life.

Those new experiences will not erase the old ones, and you probably wouldn't want them to. What's important is to remind yourself, as much as you can, that the end of one particular relationship does not mean you can never, ever have that kind of bond with anyone else, ever again.

Coping with Lost Relationships

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven... A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance." —

There's no way for anyone to say whether or not your lost friend will ever want to have a personal connection with you again. Grudges, toxic behavior, and betrayal can have a lasting effect on everyone involved. That's sad but true, and there's nothing wrong with accepting that it's a sad truth. It doesn't have to be "OK."

We're allowed to mourn for lost bonds and cope in healthy ways, but we can mourn with an understanding that there's more to life than just that one, single relationship. We have hope for restoration, in Christ, and reasons to look forward to new connections in the future.

Over time, it'll become easier to accept whatever the outcome of this situation might be. Keep your focus on saying, doing, and living as Christ would want, and the rest will take care of itself. Give yourself room to grieve. It's alright to be sad about sad things. Jesus cried over the death of His friend, even though He knew He was about to bring that friend back from the dead (John 11:34-36).

When all is said and done, and things are out of your hands, it's time to leave those lost relationships to God and do your best to look forward (2 Samuel 12:15-23). The healing process is not going to be immediate or easy, but it's not impossible for you. We're praying that you find comfort and healing.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. —2 Corinthians 1:3-4

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