“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”
Modesty is one of those things everybody has an opinion about. Maybe you have your own modesty standards (or your parents do). Maybe you honestly don't know what your standards should be. The Bible gives us some great principles to help us figure out what to do when it comes to choosing what we wear.
Misconceptions about Modesty
“Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
One of the common misconceptions about modesty is that it has everything to do with clothes. But that's actually not the case! The point of modesty is not a matter of clothing. A bikini or runners shorts are not automatically immodest. Biblical modesty goes deeper than just a person's choice in clothes (Proverbs 31:30).
One of the other misconceptions is that modesty is something exclusively reserved for girls and women. That's also not the case! Modesty is for all followers of Christ. In the story of Samuel, we see God teaching that He doesn't judge the outside of a man, but rather, He examines his heart (1 Samuel 16:7).
What is biblical modesty?
“Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”
The Bible describes modesty as focusing on a godly attitude. While our attitude can be expressed outwardly, what really matters is what's happening our hearts, minds, and our motivations. Are we more focused on honoring God with our bodies or using them for selfish or sinful purposes?
An attitude of modesty is rooted in our heart's motivation and intention and whether we're using our appearances for sinful purposes. Our bodies are literally temples for the Holy Spirit, which means that they belong to God—not just us (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). And because of that, we ought to present ourselves as godly men and women.
Understanding Paul's Call for Modesty
“I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.”
When the Apostle Paul talks about how women should dress in church, he says they should "be modest" in their appearance. Then he goes on to describe the way women were dressing at the time (1 Timothy 2:9-10).
Looking at the context of this passage, we learn that the cultural norm in Ephesus was that braided hair was a status symbol communicating luxury and wealth. In that era, such hairstyles required a lot of time and financial investment, so it was kind of a flex on everyone who witnessed the spectacle.
So what Paul was saying is that putting so much energy and resources into something that's just meant to be a brag revealed that their hearts were more focused on glorifying themselves and how others perceived them than on glorifying God.
This is a biblical principle goes for all followers of Christ—no matter their gender. While having clothes, hair, jewelry, or even tattoos, etc. to express our style and personality is fine, our physical appearance shouldn't be the most important thing in our lives.
Modesty in Clothes
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
We would be missing the mark if we didn't mention the clothing debate, so here's a biblical principle on that: Just because everyone else is doing it, that doesn't make it automatically OK for every believer (Romans 12:2; 1 Corinthians 8:9-13; Romans 14). When we make decisions about our appearance, we ought to examine our motivations and how our choices might affect others.
Wearing clothes for the express purpose of eliciting lust in others is immodest (Proverbs 7:10; 1 Corinthians 6:18; 1 Peter 2:11).
Going shirtless (or barely dressed) so everyone can gawk at a muscular physique is immodest (Galatians 5:19; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
Displaying expensive fashion, jewelry, or even technology at church so that everyone will get jealous is immodest (James 3:16; 1 Timothy 2:9-10)
On the other hand, if our motivations are in the right place, then we're perfectly OK to make those clothing choices. Here are some examples:
A woman wearing shorts and a tank top because it's too hot to wear anything else is still modest.
A man wearing swim trunks and no shirt because he's about to jump in the pool is still modest.
Someone wearing fashionable clothes to a public event to express their personality is still modest.
To be clear, we're not saying that just because a Christian feels more comfortable being half-naked that they should become a nudist. Christians should still try to maintain a godly perspective on how they present themselves to the world (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) and be mindful about whether they're going to hurt anyone with their choices (Romans 14:13; Romans 15:1-2).
Can I stop someone from looking lustfully at me?
“Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away.”
No. You can't control what happens in someone else's mind. Each person's temptations are a result of the sin in their own hearts and minds (James 1:14). The only person we have any chance of controlling is ourselves (Proverbs 25:28; Galatians 5:22-23).
Christian culture gives women a lot of flak about causing a brother in Christ to "stumble" if she wears clothes that hug curves or make her seem sexually appealing in any way—even if she has no intention of attracting that kind of attention. This way of thinking needs to end here.
Everybody is responsible for the direction of their own eyeballs and thoughts. If someone chooses to look lustfully at another person, it's the onlooker's sin that defiles the sexual purity of their own mind (Matthew 5:27–29).
Personal Responsibility for Lust
Each and every person is responsible for their own sin. The object of that lust is not choosing sin for the onlooker. The onlooker has chosen to sin for themselves, and another person's sin is no one's responsibility but their own. Someone else's choice to lust after you is not your fault or responsibility.
We can choose NOT to look at a person lustfully, just as we can choose NOT to dress in order to get sexual attention from strangers. Each of us chooses to sin or not to sin on our own. While we might tempt someone to sin (though we shouldn't), we can't make them sin (1 Corinthians 8:9).
Representing Jesus in the World
“Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.”
We're God's masterpieces, new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), and freed from the bondage of sin (John 8:36). Because of this, we ought to conduct our lives as such—expressing our faith through virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, and love (2 Peter 1:5-8).
Exercising self-control over our thoughts and behavior is a part of living out our faith as Ambassadors for Christ. Our outward appearance and actions should reflect a godly heart attitude for the world to see (Colossians 3:17; 1 Corinthians 10:31). We should strive to love and honor God with everything we do, while also desiring the same thing for those around us.
Just because much of the world is OK with dressing to get sexualized attention, that doesn't mean a Christian should go with those standards (Romans 12:2). The sons and daughters of the Creator of the Universe are different and unique in Christ—and it's totally OK to show that in how we choose to dress.