What does the Bible say about self-pity?

"Humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." —1 Peter 5:7 (NLT)

All of us are prone to feeling like everything is against us from time to time. Sometimes it really does feel that way. But that kind of mindset shifts our brains into believing the world revolves around us. Then, when we realize it doesn't, we get stuck in a black hole of self-pity.

Self-pity happens when we feel we've been unfairly treated, then, rather than seeking truth or justice, we cry, mope, and whine. This often happens publicly, in hopes that somebody might take pity and try to make us feel better.

Self-centeredness is the root of self-pity, and it's something that Christians do not need to indulge in. When we wallow in self-pity and complain about everything, we're shallowly expressing our discontent about the life our gracious God has given us.

King Ahab Has a Tantrum

"Ahab went home angry and sullen because of Naboth's answer. The king went to bed with his face to the wall and refused to eat!" —1 Kings 21:4 (NLT)

King Ahab is probably one of the most distinct self-pitying biblical figures. He and his wife Jezebel were downright evil. They didn't care about God or anyone else. One day, Ahab wanted to buy a vineyard from a man named Naboth because he wanted to make a garden. Unfortunately for Ahab, Naboth didn't want to sell his family's inheritance—no matter the compensation (1 Kings 21:1-3).

So what did Ahab do? He went and had a tantrum on his bed (1 Kings 21:4). He pitied himself because he didn't get what he wanted, and he thought that was unfair. His wife fed into his self-pity and came up with a way to kill Naboth so they could get the vineyard (1 Kings 21:15-16). So yeah. Self-pity leads to all sorts of bad things. Murder in this case!

Why Self-Pity is Harmful

Focusing on our woes and petty injustices can cause damage to our mental health, relationships, and faith. Self-pity is rooted in selfish desires and leads to making an idol of our own needs—a kind of self-worship. Anything or anyone we place above One True God becomes a "little god" in our lives.

Once we accept Jesus, we become new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). That means we now have the ability to CHOOSE between self-pity and intentional contentment (Romans 6:6). We no longer live to stroke our sinful nature; we live for God (Galatians 2:20). We are children of God—not children of the world.

Self-care is good, but it's not everything.

While it's good to take care of ourselves—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritaully—we need to be wary of making everything about ourselves. Being aware of when we need to rest, recharge, or reconnect with God are all good things. Recognizing if we're being bullied or manipulated is a good thing. Seeking justice when we've truly been wronged is a good thing.

That said, we can't allow ourselves to become SO focused on "self" that we disregard serving God and/or the needs of others. We can take time for self-care—even Jesus did this (see Luke 5)—but tending to ourselves shouldn't be our main goal in life.

Self-Examination Keeps Us in Check

"Does not the Most High send both calamity and good? Then why should we, mere humans, complain when we are punished for our sins? Instead, let us test and examine our ways. Let us turn back to the Lord." —Lamentations 3:38-41 (NLT)

The Bible speaks of self-examination, which is the process of looking at and sometimes testing our actions and motivations for either sinful or godly behavior. This practice helps strengthening our faith and reinforces our relationship with God (2 Corinthians 13:5). For example, we should examine ourselves to see if we have any unresolved sin or conflicts before we take communion (1 Corinthians 11:28).

Stealing, lying, or physically hurting an innocent person are easy to spot and repent from. But sometimes it's hard to recognize our own self-absorption, over confidence, and self-worship. To be clear, it's OK to have confidence and care for yourself, but these cannot become the most important thing to you.

Getting Out of the Self-Pity Loop

"Don't think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us." —Romans 12:3 (NLT)

Self-pity tells us we deserve better things in life than what we currently have. Yet, the Bible tells us not to think of ourselves more highly than we should (Romans 12:3). As Christians, we should practice humility (Luke 14:8-11). We should not place ourselves above God or anyone else.

If you find yourself getting unreasonably angry when things don't go your way or if your focus is solely on your own needs—and never the needs of others, your faith, or building your relationships—then you may have taken a step toward self-pity or self-worship. And it's time to make a change.

We can't always help how we feel in the moment, but we can help how we respond to those feelings.

1. Practice Gratitude

Being thankful and expressing gratitude are both good strategies for replacing self-pitying discontent for gratitude (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Even if we have inconveniences or annoyances, we can always find things to be thankful for. God has allowed us to wake up this morning. We have access to the internet right now. Hopefully our food and shelter has been cared for. And salvation in Jesus is the greatest gift we have.

2. Practice Selflessness

When we choose to serve God and others selflessly, it's hard to continue feeling sorry for ourselves. Consider the wonderful things He can do though us—and act on them! SelfLESSness overshadows selfISHness every time (Hebrews 13:16). They cannot co-exist. When we choose to focus on the goodness of God rather than our self-pity, we're truly choosing joy and contentment in God.

If you've developed a habit of self-pity, it's going to be a challenge to overcome it, but it's NOT impossible. With every moment, you have a choice—walk with the Holy Spirit's guidance or indulge in sinful desires (Galatians 5:16).

At the end of the day, God does know what's best—even if we don’t understand it at the time (Proverbs 3:5-6). Yes, life can be tough, but God knows what's best for you (Romans 8:28). Self-pity isn't healthy and it doesn't help us follow God's calling for our lives.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart;do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do,and he will show you which path to take." —Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

ALSO SEE:

• What does the Bible say about being self-centered?
• What does the Bible say about conflidence?
• What does the Bible say about humility?
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• How can I stop blaming others?
• What does the Bible say about complaining?
• What does the Bible say about mental health?
• When should you put yourself before others?
• How can I be content with my life?
• Why is giving God thanks important?
• What does the Bible say about pride?
• How can I increase my faith?
• How can I experience joy?
• What is repentance?