“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!”
My biblical counselor once asked me, "When you think of God, how do you see Him in your mind?" My response was, essentially: "I see a military sergeant, with his arms crossed, looking down at me in disappointment."
It's sad that I had this view of God, but I know I'm not alone.
Why are we so afraid of disappointing God?
Our perception of God can be altered by so many different things. Some misperceptions of our Heavenly Father may have been influenced by negative experiences with our earthly parents. Maybe a parent is verbally abusive or strict. Maybe they constantly voice their displeasure. If that's the case, we may see God as overly judgmental, intimidating, or angry.
Sometimes having negative perceptions of ourselves get overlaid on what we believe others think of us—even God. Our own perfectionism or self-hate seeps into our sense of self-worth and colors everything. But our Creator sees us through HIS lens—not our parents’ and definitely not our own (Psalm 139:13-14; Ephesians 1:6-14).
"One of the most shocking contradictions in the American church is the intense dislike many disciples of Jesus have for themselves. They are more displeased with their own shortcomings than they would ever dream of being with someone else’s. They are sick of their own mediocrity and disgusted by their own inconsistency."
The Lies We Believe About God
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,' says the Lord. 'And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
It may be easy to assume that God thinks like every other human being out there. We might imagine that He's watching closely for us to mess up so He can punish us. We might believe that He's easily disappointed, disgusted, or condemning of our shortcomings—just like we are with others and with ourselves.
Yet, the Bible shows us that God's ways aren't at all like sinful human beings (Isaiah 55:8-9). In order to step away from fearing our perception of God's disappointment in us, we need to expose the lies we're believing about God.
Lie: God is a dictator.
Lie: God only sees my sin.
Lie: God's love for me will run out.
Thankfully, the Bible tells us exactly what God's character is, so we have plenty of truths to combat those lies.
Truth: God is a patient and loving Father.
“The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.”
Our journey to spiritual maturity is a lifelong process (1 Timothy 4:14-15). God knows this. As a patient God (2 Peter 3:9), we can rest assured that, even when we encounter failures during our growth process, God isn't giving up on us or abandoning us (Hebrews 13:5). He's described by the Psalmist David as: “gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Psalm 145:8).
Truth: God sees us as new creations.
“Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”
As God’s children, we're in the good hands of a good God (John 10:28-30). Not only do we have eternal life when we believe in Jesus, but our identity before God is forever transformed (Galatians 2:20; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Romans 8:1). We're seen as His precious children (1 John 3:2).
Just like with any parent-child relationship, we aren’t perfect. We still sin and disobey our Heavenly Father. Sometimes it can feel like a straight up war going on between what we used to do and how we want to live now (Romans 7:15-20). But God never changes (Hebrews 13:8; Isaiah 40:8). He always cares, always loves, and always keeps His promises.
Truth: God's love has no bounds.
“I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”
To teach about God’s amazing love for His children, Jesus shared a parable about a son who disrespects his father, squanders his heritage, and then comes back asking to be a servant (Luke 15:11-32). Instead of expressing disappointment, the father in the story shows unconditional love. He sees his wayward son coming, and, in a rush of compassion, he runs out and embraces him in welcome (Luke 15:20)! God is the same way with us.
God IS love (1 John 4:16). He'll welcome us into His arms no matter how far we've wandered away. When we come to Him in repentance, He accepts us and promises to make things right again (1 John 1:9). He'll never stop loving us, no matter how many times we fail (Psalm 136:26; Romans 8:38-39).
Jesus already endured any punishment we deserved for our sins—past, present, and future (1 Peter 2:24). While we should actively choose to live out our faith and acknowledge conviction of sin by the Holy Spirit, we have no need to fear God’s condemnation or disappointment in us (Romans 8:1-4).
Remember that conversation I had with my counselor? Months later, he asked me the same question, "When you think of God, how do you see Him in your mind?" After learning more about God’s character and the depth of His love, my response shifted. I said, "I see a kind Father opening His arms to a little girl and hugging her."
Slowly but surely, I'm learning that God isn't like anyone in this life. He isn't like my past abusers, and He's certainly not like me either. He's a holy God, set apart from anyone in this world, who sees me as His precious, priceless child.