How do I control my hormonal emotions?

Emotions are powerful enough on their own—for every human being. But add in the hormones of young brains and bodies undergoing massive changes, and you have some over-powered emotions.

Parents of teenagers must exercise a lot of grace and patience when it comes to parenting emotionally-volatile teenagers. A parent might see something that seems mildly upsetting, while their teenager has locked themselves in their room, screaming and crying, feeling like the world is about to end.

So this is a time that can be frustrating and exhausting for for both parents AND teens. Unfortunately, it's just kind of a bad handful of years for everyone.

You are not alone.

Hopefully, when you were a kid, the world didn't seem too big or too dangerous. Then, slowly, you began to realize that the world is darker and scarier than you'd ever imagined. Maybe the thought of leaving home in a short number of years is terrifying. Maybe the prospect of emerging as an adult in this messy world sounds like one of the hardest things you'll ever do in your life. Anyone would feel a lot of emotions over all that amount of change and unknown.

You may feel like you're the only one confused by your own feelings, but rest assured you're not alone. Everyone, of all ages, will have temptations for emotional outbursts and experience conflicting feelings at times. It may be more intense when you're a teenager—no doubt. But it's totally normal to have emotions; that means you have a human heart.

Everybody feels strong, conflicting emotions from time to time—teens, college students, new parents, grandparents, retirees...EVERYONE.

Emotions are Natural

Is there any hope to survive it all? YES! Navigating intense emotional responses may not be easy, but that doesn't make it impossible. During our teen years, we'll never be 100% free of emotional outbursts, but we CAN learn to control our responses to emotion.

God gave us emotions in our design, so emotions aren't something we can really prevent from happening. They're an automatic response to the world around us. They give us insights into how our brain is processing input. That said, it IS possible to manage how we deal with those emotions.

Controlling Strong Emotional Responses

While it's true that you often can't stop from feeling a certain way, you can learn to have control over what you DO with those emotions when you have them. Here are some things to try practicing both before you're in the middle of a moment and during times of emotional distress:

  1. Be proud of who you are right now. Teenagers have a lot to say, ways they can act, and faith they can demonstrate that will inspire other teenagers and adults around them (1 Timothy 4:12). You are the exact age you are now, in the place you are now, for a reason and a purpose. Know it. Embrace it.
  2. Challenge thoughts attached to strong emotions. When something makes you feel worthless, challenge that thought. What does God say about your self-worth (Psalm 139:14)? What do people who love you say about you?
  3. Be intentional. Before we allow strong emotions to drag us into a doom-filled or intrusive thought spiral, we ought to challenge those thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5). We can choose to take control of the next course of action (2 Timothy 1:7).
  4. Learn to breathe. Obviously, breathing is essential to life. And learning to slow down and focus on our breathing has been scientifically proven to provide a tremendously calming effect on our body and mind. Try to slow down for a minute (or just a count of 10) when emotions threaten to take control. Doing so can help us avoid doing or saying something we may regret (James 1:19-20, 26). Try looking for non-spiritual meditation techniques or apps that can help.
  5. Practice apologies. Once we realize that we've overreacted or hurt someone, we need to do something to repair any relationships we've damaged. We all lose our cool once in a while, and a loving, mature person admits their mistakes and apologizes for them (Philippians 3:12-14). Confessing our sin and asking for forgiveness from someone we've unintentionally hurt can help us heal and grow (James 5:16; 1 John 1:9).
  6. Extend grace. You and I, parents, teachers, siblings, friends, and even strangers have bad days. We all experience trauma. We all allow emotions to get the best of us at times. When you're hurt or disappointed by a poorly-chosen word or act, please think GRACE first—just as God does for us (John 13:34-35; 1 Corinthians 13:5; Philippians 2:3).
  7. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Those who hurt you may be tired, hungry, hurt, stressed, or just in a bad mood and didn't mean to take it out on you. If they come to you seeking forgiveness, be quick to grant it (Colossians 3:13). (NOTE: We're not talking about abusive relationships. If you are suffering abuse, please seek help immediately.)
  8. Grow your friendship with God. Getting to know God by reading His Word and talking to Him helps us better understand Him, His will for us, and how He works in our lives. Knowing God more and having that connection with Him makes it so much easier to live the way He asks us to because we see His love for us behind His reasoning.

You are valuable to God, and you are valuable to us too. We want to make your walk with the Lord an easier journey. If you're having an emotional day, please feel free to send us your questions, and we'll help you find biblical answers for your doubts and concerns.

ALSO SEE:

If you're a parent, please read this part.

Parents, please please please demonstrate grace to your kids when they're feeling emotional. Remember your own teenage years. Remember what it's like to feel everything with every inch of your being? You don't have to convince them you know what they're going through (because maybe you don't; theirs is a different world from yours), but you DO need to have grace and patience for them as they grow and learn (Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21).

Practice patience, and remember, navigating a big, confusing world through all those feelings is overwhelming for your teen. Regarding teaching the younger generation about God, the apostle Paul said:

"Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned..." —Titus 2:7-8a

TL;DR

People of all ages feel conflicting emotions from time to time. Emotions are not something we can really control because they are an automatic response to the world around us, but it IS possible to manage how we deal with those emotions. When you feel emotionally-charged, take a moment to breathe. Then challenge the thoughts associated with those strong emotions, weighing your options for action before you do or say something you may regret (2 Corinthians 10:5). Apologize if you hurt someone in an emotional outburst (James 5:16) and extend grace and forgiveness if someone hurts you (John 13:34-35).

Writer: Rhonda Maydwell

Rhonda is an author, wife, mother, and mentor. She graduated from the University of Missouri with a degree in English and Religious studies. She loves studying God’s Word for truth and wisdom and uses it as a compass and roadmap for her own spiritual journey. Rhonda believes in sharing the Good News and the hope found in biblical truths with others. She uses her writing and mentoring opportunities (often with a pinch of humor) to do just that.

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